1.  

  2. 50shadezofcarter:

    I text back embarrassingly fast

    or three hours later

    there is no in between

    (Source: 50shadezofcarter, via retiredjesus)

     

  3. crystallized-teardrops:

    life is all about tough decisions

    getting enough sleep or staying on the internet

    (via shouldnt)

     

  4. improbablenormality:

    humourous-misadventures:

    megasilly:

    You know what language I love? Welsh.

    I mean

    image

    how

    image

    can you not 

    image

    love

    image

    this ridiculous

    image

    amazing language?

    you know our word for ‘microwave’ is ‘popty ping’, right?

    this language is literally keysmashing

    (via iwasrepeals)

     

  5. How to have sex

    1. Boy: can I put my finger in your belly button?
    2. Girl: yeh sure
    3. Girl: that's not my belly button
    4. Boy: that's not my finger
     
  6.  

  7. kookie667:

    Let’s play a game called “I’m totally joking, but would do that in a heartbeat if you were into it”

    (via safeguards)

     

  8. greetings:

    waking up from hangover like

    image

    (via humorking)

     

  9. priceofliberty:

    hellabiafra:

    vegasmo:

    Human: “HAHAHA Animals are so dumb!”

    *goes to war with its own species, uses up all of its resources, destroys its own environment, pollutes its own air and water*

    Animal: *licks its own asshole*

    human: *licks someone else’s asshole and calls it sex*

    (via ant0rm)

     
  10. ruinedchildhood:

    when my song come on in the club

    (via imwillowpape)

     

  11. me: ok i’ll study at 8:00

    clock: 8:00

    me: *pretends i didn’t see*

    (via cringing)

     

  12. sorry, my mom said my anaconda can’t

    (Source: cumdurnp, via asvprock)

     

  13. basedgosh:

    sorry mom im on chore limit ask me again at midnight

    (Source: canadad, via greetings)

     
  14.  

  15. unflirty:

    bondoge:

    unflirty:

    when i die, cremate me and put my ashes into the pepper shakers at my favorite restaurant

    what the fuck

    (it’s red lobster)

    (via shouldnt)